Feeling stuck, lost, or overwhelmed about what to do with yourself? You’re not alone. Whether you’re finishing school, switching careers, or just trying to figure out your next move, the act of KNOWING what you truly want can feel impossible and scary.
In a world full of options – and pressure to “figure it all out” – it’s easy to feel paralyzed by indecision. The good news? You don’t have to map out everything to move forward.
In this step-by-step guide, you are going to decide what you want in YOUR life and start shaping a future that feels right to YOU.
Step 1: Think About the Life You Want – In 3 Time Intervals
Start by dividing your life into three time intervals. You can make more intervals if that feels right to you, but you must have at least these three intervals for your timeline. This doesn’t have to be a very strict timeline, you’re visualizing the bigger picture. Visualizing the bigger picture is going help you decide what you want in your timeline.
1. Short-Term (From now to 1-3 years)
Choose a realistic interval that’s within your control and can be achieved through consistent effort. This interval doesn’t mean that you MUST have all your biggest hurdles tackled. It only needs to be an interval where you can get at least a quarter of the things you want done.
Think of immediate, actionable goals like losing weight, starting a business, reducing debt, graduating from school, or learning a language.
Be reasonable and think realistically how much effort you’re able and willing to put in to achieve this. Remember, this isn’t going to be a wishy-washy goal that you put on the back burner for 10 years. This is an interval that could be achieved as soon as possible.
Write down the timeframe and the goals you want to achieve in this phase.
2. Mid-Term (Big Life Change)
Now, look ahead to something significant: changing careers, getting married, having a baby, buying a home, moving abroad, etc.
Anything that you see as something major that you believe would most likely happen or want to happen to you, I want you to think about when this would likely happen and put it down.
Think about the lifestyle that new chapter in your life may entail and the responsibilities that may go along with it. Is the time you are giving yourself still right or should you push for earlier or later?
Really think about it and write it down.
3. Long-Term (Golden Years)
The last part of the step, you need to envision when you’re living the golden part of your life. This is your vision of a more relaxed, fulfilled life—when many of today’s hurdles are behind you. Maybe you’re retired, financially free, spending time with family, or traveling the world.
Once you’ve outlined these three stages, you’ll have a clearer foundation to decide what you want and what kind of life you’re aiming to build.
Step 2: Reflect on What Truly Matters to You
It’s easy to write down what you want, but take a moment to think how much of it is really what you want.
Go back to what you wrote in Step 1. Ask yourself honestly:
How much of this is what I want—versus what others expect of me?
I’m not saying you must have completely original goals or shouldn’t listen to the people who want what is best for you. But you do need to separate your inner desires from external noise.
Ask yourself questions such as:
- What makes me feel alive?
- What do I hate doing?
- What kind of job will pay my bills and protect my peace?
- Am I okay with going into debt for a degree? If so, how much?
- Would I rather live with the regret of never having biological kids or having kids yet not want them?
- Do I want children because I truly enjoy being around them or because it’s the “logical next step” after marriage?
- Would I rather be a high-earning workaholic or have more free time and fewer possessions?
You don’t have to answer all of these at once. But be real with yourself.
The people around you may love you, but they don’t have to live with your life decisions. You do. Their strengths, weaknesses, and fears are not yours.
This is your time to reflect on your values, energy, and what fulfills or drains you. It’s not just about chasing a dream—it’s about deciding what kind of values you want your life to be built on.
If your first draft feels too perfect, ask:
- What am I willing to delay?
- What would I be okay living without?
- What alternate life paths would still make me feel at peace?
If something in your original timeline that sparks a deep, non-negotiable “YES”—keep it.
If there is something you’re willing to live without or have delayed, let’s think of how flexible you may need to be.
For anything flexible, create backup plans. Prepare for the unexpected: job loss, health issues, surprise pregnancy, or any curveball life throws. Multiple timelines aren’t a sign of weakness—they’re proof you’ve thought things through.
Remember, this is about YOU. You are thinking about yourself and what you’re comfortable with. You’re trying to decide what you want based on your terms, not someone else’s.
Step 3: Evaluate Yourself and Your Hurdles
Now that you have drafted your primary timeline and backup timeline(s), it’s time to think about the situation you are in now.
You might feel mentally drained from the last two steps—and that’s normal. You’ve done the mental gymnastics of choosing what you want out of life and the kind of paths you’re willing to take to get there. Now it’s time to explore what’s standing in your way.
Ask yourself: What is keeping me from reaching my goals?
Some obstacles are logistical—lack of time, money, skills, or support. Logistical problems are tough, but often solvable with time and effort.
Other obstacles are personal and internal—like:
- Decision paralysis
- Fear of making the wrong choice
- Lack of self-trust
- Comparing yourself to others
- Overthinking to the point of inaction
These inner blocks often take more time to overcome. And that’s okay. If you’re having this kind of issue, this talk might deserve its own separate blog post.
The important thing is to be honest:
If you truly want to grow, you must make conscious effort, even if the steps feel small.
Not sure where to begin? Start by researching what your goals entail.
- Want to be wealthy?
- What are the top 10 jobs that create the most millionaires?
- What financial habits do financially successful people have in common?
- Want to get fit?
- Which diet fits your lifestyle?
- Would you enjoy CrossFit, yoga, or home workouts the most?
- Want to go to university?
- What degrees lead to jobs you actually want?
- What scholarships or funding options are available?
You get the idea. If you understand and tackle your hurdles now, you’ll be closer to reaching your goals sooner.
Step 4: Acknowledge the Pressure
In understanding what needs to change and making a plan on how to change, you may notice that you may feel a certain level of discomfort.
It’s one thing to know what you want. It’s another to act on it—especially when other people have opinions.
You’ve already done the work to decide what you want. You’ve created a plan, built backup timelines, and thought through your values.
But now comes the hard part: outside judgment.
The truth is, not everyone will understand or support your decisions. They may expect more—or less—from you. That’s okay. If you are someone who needs emotional support and is not confident within yourself, you need to remember that it’s okay if you don’t have everything figured out.
You’re not supposed to know everything. That’s why we turn to mentors, research, and trial-and-error. It’s okay to need support.
Your experience is uniquely yours. Not all societal values or expectations will apply to your journey—and they don’t have to. So give yourself permission to explore. To find a better job, better community, better habits, or a better lifestyle.
At the end of the day, your goal isn’t perfection—it’s progress toward becoming your best self.
Step 5: Put It Into Action
Once you’ve decided what you want, planned how to get there, and explored your hurdles—it’s time to move.
Again, you don’t need to have everything figured out to start. You just need to start.
Track your progress in a way that feels tangible: a planner, a diary, a habit-tracking app—whatever helps you stay aware. If things don’t go smoothly right away, don’t panic. Give yourself time to find a rhythm you enjoy.
If your original plan doesn’t feel good anymore—or you’re not seeing 75% satisfaction by your first interval—it’s okay to pivot to a backup plan.
Most importantly: Be kind to yourself.
Progress isn’t a straight line. Life happens. Interruptions don’t mean failure.
You’re not just chasing goals – you’re building a lifestyle that you want to live. Take it one decision at a time.
Conclusion
The truth is, you don’t just decide what you want once. You decide it over and over again.
Life changes. You change. Your desires, values, and circumstances will evolve, and that’s okay. What matters most is that you keep showing up for yourself.
Don’t wait for the “perfect” time, the “perfect” plan, or the “perfect” version of yourself. Start now—with what you know, what you have, and who you are. Because no one else gets to live your life but you.
So decide what you want in your life, shape it, and live it.
